


A Prince's Worth Weighed In Gold

by orphan_account



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Body Dysphoria, Bulimia, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Eating Disorders, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Insecure Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Vomiting, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:56:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27686575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Roman loves himself, he really does.Until he doesn't.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 56





	A Prince's Worth Weighed In Gold

**Author's Note:**

> Stay safe! Love y’all

“Virgil, are you eating enough?” 

“...Is nothing enough...?” The aforementioned anxious side offhandedly snarked, leaning back on his chair as he avoided eye contact with the other sides present. Patton dropped his cutlery and quickly swallowed the food in his mouth

Logan shook his head with a worried look, “Virgil...You know you must eat something...This isn’t good for you…”

“Ahh, it’s just...Y’know, anxiety…”

“It’s just, you’re looking...a... little thinner, we’re getting worried…” Patton carefully spoke, though his body was mostly hidden with all the baggy clothing he dawned, The Paternal Side could still tell.

Virgil blinked vacantly, before shrugging lethargically, picking up a fork and digging it into the mashed potatoes, swallowing it without another word. Patton clapped his hands together with a frivolous smile, Logan gave a subtle ‘upturn of his lips’ more than a smile, but the appreciative gesture still remained meaningful. 

Roman stayed silent, watching the ongoing conversation in a forlorn silence. Sure, he was worried and sure, he wanted to comfort the fellow side...Yet he couldn’t bring himself to contribute anything helpful to the conversation. The Fanciful Side bit his lip, looking over Virgil, eyes discreetly glazing over the collarbones peeking over the rim of his sweatshirt, the wrists that hid behind the puffy sleeves of his hoodie. Roman dragged his eyes back over to his half-eaten plate, pushing the remaining food around with a table knife.

“Yeah, lost about...3 kilograms…”

Roman wasn’t hungry anymore.

He wanted to puke, maybe chug a few gallons of black coffee and green tea just so he could get all the food out of his system while he was at it.

_ Roman felt repulsed with himself. _

Ha...How selfish of him, this was about Virgil, and yet here he was, pitying himself...This wasn’t about him.

“Ah, sorry, I just came up with an  _ amazing  _ idea! Sorry I can’t stick around any longer, I simply  _ must  _ write this one down before I forget, I’ll see you all later!” The Princely side suddenly interjected, hoping that in his zoned out state he didn’t mention his leaving at a bad time. He steadily picked up the plate of food with slightly shaky hands, unceremoniously picking up the silverware and dumping it onto the plate. Roman looked up at The Anxious Side, maintaining the unchanging smile on his face.

“Oh, and Virgil!”

The emo side looked at him with a curious raise of his brow, gazing at The Fanciful Side through tousled bangs.

“Remember to eat something, will ya’?”

Virgil scoffed, hiding a smile with the rim of his hoodie sleeve, “Whatever you say, Princey…”

-

Roman blinked hard as he stared at the pristine, white walls of his royal-themed room, plate of food still carefully balanced between shaky fingertips. It was getting hard to listen to hear about Virgil’s decreasing appetite or his unintentional weight loss without breaking down. It’s not like he could tell them about how much it was really affecting him.

_ “Hey guys! I know you’re concerned about him and trying to get Panic! At The Everywhere to not forget about food and accidentally starve himself to death but it makes me feel fat and gross so stop worrying about Virgil and let him suffer! Thanks!” _

The prince unceremoniously dumped the uneaten food onto his dresser before shuffling to the bathroom door with a defeated slouch, he weakly pulled the door open, walking up to his full view mirror, staring down at himself with a grimace, void of the grin he had been wearing a few minutes prior. 

He shrugged off his red sash and blouse, turning to look at the reflective glass across from him, staring at his reflection with a self-loathing frown. Sure, he knew his body wasn’t exactly great, but the more he took notice of his fellow side’s bodies, the more irked he felt by his own. He pulled on the flesh around his abdomen, wrapped his fingers around his wrist, traced his fingers around his collarbone, searched hopelessly for his non-existent thigh gap, ran his fingers down where his ribs  _ should  _ be poking out…

...But they  _ weren’t _ .

_ It wasn’t enough. _

**_He wasn’t_ ** **_thin_ ** **_enough._ **

...

He couldn’t bear to look at himself for any longer.

Roman kneeled down in front of the toilet beside him, forcefully sticking two fingers down his throat, urging his stomach to expel Patton’s cooking. He felt a sick sense of relief as he felt his throat finally convulse around his administrations, feeling himself throw up the food that he had consumed a few minutes ago. 

The creative side sighed, staring vacantly down at the mixture of food he had regurgitated into his toilet. Roman felt a horrible sense of satisfaction, already feeling  _ less disgusted  _ with himself. He spat out the last remaining taste of bile on his tongue, propping himself up from the lid and running his sticky hands under the faucet, turning back to flush the throw-up away.

Roman pulled off the rest of his garments off, turning the handle to adjust the temperature of the shower to ice-cold, haphazardly stepping into the shower with zero disregard.

It wasn’t fair, he was back, he had  _ relapsed.  _ No matter what he did, how much he ate, his mind set got worse. Virgil was making it hard to stay on track, the way he managed to lose weight without even  _ wanting  _ to! He’s practically got Roman’s desired body and yet he keeps on  _ losing. _ That’s all Roman wanted...Yet here he was, gaining and gaining and gaining and  _ gaining. _

Pulling out the shampoo, he squirted it onto his hands, roughly lathering into his hair, eyes staring down at his protruded stomach and thick thighs with a grimace.

-

Roman shoved on a white nightgown, a red emblem sewn into the chest area, matching the one on the sleeve of his regular attire. His eyes glazed over the cold-food he had brought up from the Common’s Room, a wave of nausea ran through him. He trudged to the plate, dumping the food into the garbage, a tinge of guilt for having to dispose of The Paternal Side’s cooking, but the disgust won over.

He contemplated whether he should throw away the ceramic plate as well, before relenting, deciding it would be too obvious.

_ ‘It’s not like they would notice anyway, you’re too fat for them to think that you have an eating disorder. They never noticed back then? Why would they now? Virgil is skinnier anyway, you need to stop hogging all the attention.’ _

Roman threw the plate away.

_ ‘They noticed his weight loss but not yours, you were too fat, you weren’t thin enough.’ _

Roman shoved his face into his silk pillows and screamed until his voice finally gave out.

-

He cried himself to sleep that night.

-

Patton looked down at the three soapy plates and 2 pairs of cutlery in the dishwasher with a puzzled look, “Roman hasn’t returned his plate yet...Wonder if he’s still eating…”

Virgil lifted his head, hand discreetly reaching into a cookie jar left out on the counter top table in hopes of snagging a quick snack. 

“Don’t sweat it Patton, I’ll go get him, he probably forgot about it,” Virgil replied, Patton looked at The Anxious Side with uncertainty, “...What if he’s asleep, I _ - _ I wouldn’t want to bother him…” Virgil gave him an understanding look, putting down the cookie jar with his newly obtained treat in hand, turning to regard the moral side.

“Whatever you say, Pat, your move,” Virgil murmured, pulling out his phone and shoving the chocolate chip cookie into his mouth, giving the fatherly-side a wave as he left the kitchen and pulled the headphones around his neck over his head, Patton waved him an encouraging goodbye with a pleasant grin, turning back to the sink to continue washing the dishes.

He paused for a second as he felt a shiver run through his spine, feeling suddenly a little nauseous for a few passing moments. Patton blinked, turning around to look at whatever the cause was, before realising that didn’t help at all.

Patton closed his eyes, he knew he had felt this before...A few years back, Logan had hypothesized the cause of the aforementioned wave of illness.

_ ‘Whenever a side feels a strong physical sensation, I believe it slightly affects the rest of us...Since we are part of the same system.’ _

He quickly turned around to face the direction Virgil had disappeared down, “H-Hey Virge..? Are you doing alright..? Are you okay?” 

Virgil peaked out over the kitchen door frame, a grimace on his paler than usual face, “Yeah I-I’m fine, I just got his with a sudden wave a  _ ick  _ just now,” He squinted, throwing the remaining cookie into the trash-can with surprising accuracy, Patton momentarily pouted at the act of wastefulness before letting out a long-suffering sigh, a look of concern suddenly dawning across his face.

“I hope everyone else is fine, you should go drink some water Virge, that  _ cookie _ might have been the culprit,” Patton scorned, accusatively glaring at the guilty cookie jar Virgil had been fishing around in moments before. Virgil looked away with uncertainty.

“I don’t know Patton, I don’t think it was me, I mean, I don’t feel...too horrible,” The anxious side added with the furrow of his brow and perplexion on his face. Patton dropped his glare at the cookie jar and immediately felt guilty.

“So...W-Who could it be...?” 

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hey, @ the person who constantly brought it up, I hate you lol


End file.
